Saturday, 29 October 2016

Crushed? You might want to see this

Growing up from my teenage years, I had crushes and I will tell you that it was not easy dealing with it. Somehow, I managed to get over this crushes that when I look back, I can only smile at my success in this area.
Having a crush is not a bad thing of itself but being able to keep it under control sure matters. Most times, you realize that these crushes are just a mere distraction that keeps you from getting the actual substance in relationships

3 things you will need to do when you have a crush are:

Having a crush is not abnormal. You are only human and in being human is the need to like, love and admire other people when you see someone who has traits, looks physique etc. you like. As humans, we have the need to express a need to express emotions and feelings that are part of you. Panicking over it does not help rather see it as normal.

-Identify the Whys:
Next you will need to identify the whys. You need to sit and think of reasons why you have a crush on the person in question. This varies from looks, physique, intelligence, voice, charisma, values amongst other things. At times you might be able to identify reason(s) and in some cases you might not identify any reason. In either situation, there is no reason for panic or alarm. When you know the reason why, there are better chances that you can deal with it better than when you do not know.

- Assess the situation:
Having identified possible reasons for the crush, you now assess the situation thus:
a)      Where is this crush likely to lead? 
b)      Do you feel it’s worth your time to pining over someone that might never notice you or even consider you on those terms?
c)       Are those reasons you identified actually genuine
What your values are will determine whether you want to move on or if you are going to stay like that.
Having a crush can be the most painful feeling one might feel because you are alone in this. If the other party feels the same way is something you might never know and most times, its only in films that the feeling happens to be mutual and both parties get to express their feelings.

A crush needs to be handled properly so that it does not go out of control. The following are things that could help get over a crush
a)      Accept it, suppressing it only complicates it further and that is the last thing you want
b)      If it’s someone you see regularly (daily), minimize your exposure to the person. This goes a long way in reducing the feelings and before you know it, you have overcome it
c)       Engage the person in discussions that are constructive. This helps you form a basis on the person character which you might not be able to if you just look from afar. Once you have formed a judgment on this, you know better and you can move on easily
d)      Stay busy:  This could be hanging out with your friends, shopping or learning a new skill. This keeps your mind occupied and not to dwell on it.
These are my thoughts and you could add your comments on what you feel.


Tuesday, 25 October 2016

Race to Finish

A Race is usually a competition entered into by a certain number of participants to see who get to the stated destination first.
As kids, we would play games testing who will finish a particular task, game before the others. Then, we would put in all of our efforts in the task in order to win for the fun of it or in some cases to avoid being subjected to the ridicules of our peers if we lost.
So I closed from the office and was on my way home. I met a queue that was moderate at the terminal and I boarded a bus to my destination.
It just happened that I saw a friend that was still on the queue when my bus left. Feeling concerned, I sent a message asking far he had gone and he said they were behind and all that. I now jokingly commented that I wish I would get home before he does but I knew that I couldn't get home before him despite leaving before him.
As I pondered over the conversation I couldn't help but wonder at the unnecessary stress we put ourselves through when we compete against each other on things we have only a certain level of control over. Perhaps, yes perhaps, we carried over the competitive trait we used to exhibit when we were younger into adulthood but now it’s not for fun but serious business.

Competition by itself is good as it pushes you beyond what you considered your limits but most times, due to the reality we are faced with, we take it too far.
For me, I knew that I couldn't get home before my friend because I live further off than him
and I would still face some traffic on the road which he would not face. That concluded I knew it was not “Healthy” competing with him

if I knew better in that situation, then why can't I apply the same reasoning in all aspects of my life? Yes, we all strive to achieve a particular goal in our various lives but it is best that in our pursuit, we do not:
  •      Run at other people paces 
  •    Remember that whatever we achieve is a function of the time and effort we put into it 
  •     Understand that we will all arrive at our destinations at different times
  • Take control of situations in our lives such that it doesn't control us.
Also worthy of mention are the following points:

  •   Competition if not handled properly breeds envy, jealousy and feelings of resentment towards the person that "succeeded"
  • A feeling of "I am not good enough" creeps on you when you do not achieve what you set out to do. Especially when you have set "unrealistic limits" for yourself
  • Flowing from the above, other issues such as low self-esteem and even depression could occur which could ruin one’s life without you knowing it.
If you must compete, do it reasonably and consider the following points:
  • Who you are competing with?
  • The advantages you have over each other
  • Why are you competing, Are you doing it because someone you know is also involved or because you sincerely want to?
We will surely achieve whatever we set out to if we do not quit and rough it out till the end. Remember, we started at different times and we will get there at different times.

Even the creator of the heavens and the earth did not create it all at once. He did it in stages, not because he couldn't do it all at once but so that we can appreciate that good things take time.


Monday, 24 October 2016


Wonder, what this is all about? Well, you will never know if you do nothing.

I have heard and realized that doing gives clarity not thinking. You got an idea about what you want to do, you have a dream you have been fantasizing about. The key to making it a reality is doing it. Start from where you are with whatever you have at your disposal. Time and effort will determine if you should be doing it and it only gets better and perfect. So, I started and something happened that made me more resolute in seeing it to the end.

On this particular day, I was on my way home after being disappointed at not achieving what I left home to do. Within me, I am battling with emotions such as anger, frustration amidst some other negative emotions. I am aware that it could ruin a lot of things for me and I try to see positive side of going out that day rather than what I am feeling.
I board a bike to my house and something happens which changes a whole lot for me. As we moved on, there was a vehicle partially blocking the road and the bike I boarded stopped. Obviously, he wanted the vehicle to move before proceeding. While waiting, another bike behind us tells him to go but he replies that the other one go first. The other actually passes. Seeing this, he also decides to pass.

As we pass, I look at the vehicle and observed that the vehicle didn't just stop without a reason but had developed a fault which they were trying to fix. In that instant, I knew why I had gone out. It was never intended that I achieve what I set out to do but to learn a greater lesson that I will hold on to as long as I live.
Why did he wait for the other person take the lead despite being there ahead of him? He was probably being careful or did not want to take a risk.

Many times, we tend to “thread the path of caution”, “afraid of taking a risk” but the truth is we will never know if we do nothing at all. In the bike incident, I related above, it was in moving that I realized that we would have never known what happened if we stayed. I can relate with this because there are times I have been asked to take the lead on something and I will say no you first. Sounds familiar?

But stop right there, must someone take the lead before we follow?
Can't we take the risk and lead?

Waiting might get you some results but it would be the leftovers from those who dared to take the lead. – Source Unknown

NOBODY likes leftovers.
So, who are you waiting for to take the lead before you do what you want to do? I intend to take the lead and not contend with leftovers.